Connect with Yourself

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD three years into our marriage.

I know. Why am I talking about my husband’s ADHD in a section titled “Connect with Yourself”?

Hang tight. You’ll see.

I knew relatively nothing about ADHD, and I had no idea what it meant that my husband had it. I knew we were struggling to get along, and I felt the diagnosis might have some answers. So I dove headfirst into studying ADHD.

What I found was dismal.

Bleak.

Depressing.

Everything I read at the time basically told me my husband’s brain would NEVER let him remember to do things, to follow through, to achieve his goals, or to excel at anything.

After a while, I slammed the books shut and tried to forget what I had read.

But I have this brain that just won’t leave things alone.

So the depressing (and false, by the way) information sat in my brain and stewed and stewed until fingers of optimism tentatively took hold. And then they shook and shook until I had a new outlook.

You see, the books were telling me my husband wouldn’t be able to overcome his brain’s way of thinking, but I saw him trying hard and improving in countless ways.

It seemed the books were wrong. But it was hard to reconcile what I was seeing with what the books had told me. I worried that his successes were just flukes and everything would come crashing down eventually.

And then I stumbled upon the writings of a psychologist, Dr. Edward Hallowell, who chooses to take a strengths-based approach to ADHD.

And wow! Such a light bulb moment!

When I allowed myself to do the same -- to see his creativity and enthusiasm and people skills and more -- and to see those strengths as greater than his ADHD symptoms -- it was a whole new world.

Our marriage improved. I trusted him more. I saw him for who he really is.

And when our daughter was diagnosed with ADHD seven years later, I wasn’t even worried (too much). I was practiced at the strengths-based approach, and I knew it was the best way forward.

And That’s What I Want You to Experience

As a mom, you already know your weaknesses. You know them so hard, and it hurts to think about them, but you also can’t stop thinking about them. To you, your weaknesses are so huge, blinding, and distracting that you just know your child is ruined forever because of you.

You read articles about fantastic discipline approaches, and then when you go to try them in the heat of the moment, they flop. And you’re just sure it must be your fault.

You see Pinterest-perfect outfits, birthday parties, Valentine treats, living rooms, wholesome family meals, and more. And when you can’t master all of the things, you’re sure you’re failing your child in some way.

You’re tired and you don’t want to do the enriching activity that will help your child become an instant genius -- and you feel like a failure.

Your friend’s child is in karate, but you chose not to do any sports this year. Is your child going to end up talentless? You put your child in three activities, and your friend opted to do only one. Is your child going to end up neurotic and stressed?

And will it all be your fault?

Say No to "Mom Fails"

There’s too much failure-clutter in modern moms’ brains. We hear the word "failure" in connection with the word "mom" at least every day.

But the thing is, you’re not a failure. You can’t be. You’re not done yet. You have years ahead of you to fix mistakes, try again, become awesome at so many things, make more mistakes, fix them, try again, and become awesome at even more things. Even after you’re gone, there will still plenty of years for your child to be influenced for good by the memory of you.

Oh my gosh, you aren’t failing!

Please hear me!

I believe you’ll believe me when you take a strengths-based approach to your motherhood.

Find your strengths.

Embrace them.

Love them hard.

Love yourself hard.

Because you have a unique set of strengths that nobody else in this world has.

Click the link below to find resources to help you find your strengths, live by your strengths, and love your strengths.