Domesticity does not equal motherhood.
I once sat in a class where teenage girls said they needed to learn how to cook, do laundry, and clean if they wanted to one day be good moms.
I stopped and told them that cooking, doing laundry, and cleaning are part of being an ADULT. Those are not the things that make up motherhood.
But I get where they got that conclusion.
You always hear women say they aren’t good moms when they don’t make homemade lunches, prepare cupcakes for the bake sale, show up to the doctor with kids who have brushed hair, or get the laundry put away in a decent time.
“I’m such a bad mom. I sent store-bought valentines to school with my kid.”
“Mom fail. I didn’t get the laundry done.”
“I’m a failure as a mom. I don’t make homemade bread/cookies/whatever.”
NO.
Your “success” as a mother is not defined by domestic duties. Domestic duties are part of being an adult.
While your children do need to be changed and fed, that’s not the summation of MOTHERHOOD. Anyone can change and feed children, including dads. You can hire someone to clean your house and feed your kids, and you’ll still be a mom.
And if you weren’t a mom, you’d still have to clean your house, cook food, and do laundry.
You’re not a bad mom because you didn’t do laundry in time. Let’s stop combining domestic duties with motherhood, because they just aren’t the same. Yes, moms do domestic things. And they raise children. These are two separate things.
Your housekeeping is not your motherhood, and you’re giving away power when you combine the two and judge one against the other.
You are a good mom because you love your child, and you try to help them learn the things they need to learn. You worry about your kids, you spend time with them, you plan for their future, and so much more.
You might be terrible at domestic duties (I don’t know) or you might be the best housekeeper in the world. But neither end of the spectrum — or anything in between — determines if you’re a good mom or not.
Housekeeping is NOT motherhood.
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Beautiful portrayal of motherhood… Lovely message to all those who have mistaken motherhood.
Thank you so much!
Yes,this is so true . Patriarchal societies set some bounded norms of motherhood embedded only in household works which has become prior to motherhood . It is hight time for these norms to be changed and make mothers free from the heavy weighted duties !
I love your comment!
This is the best, I read it over and ver at least 4 times. Because it’s painful to think I was pushing in the wrong direction for years. Thank you! I am sharing this with many, young women and you men. My heart is full of love for anyone who is “trying “..
I looked at it from a wife point of view too….. a few small changes but it can work for wife’s as well. Life is so beautiful, I forget that.
Have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so happy this has been helpful to you.
It seems some may use this as an opportunity to feel good about having a messy house. Cleanliness promotes well-being. Well-being promotes happiness. Cleaning your house promotes happiness–not a bad goal for a mother.
Thanks for your comment. I respectfully disagree with your point. If some use my post in the way you described, that’s up to them. I’m not here to discuss how clean someone should or shouldn’t keep a home. My point is that motherhood and housekeeping are not synonymous. We don’t hold fathers to the same standard, so it really should be a non-issue. A mother’s worth should not be judged by her house.