This pandemic life is hard. It’s hard if you’re at home. It’s hard if you’re an essential worker. It’s hard if you’re sick. It’s hard if you know someone sick.
And it’s hard because nobody knows when it will end.
When my son was a baby, he failed to thrive. It was severe. You’ve heard the term skin and bones? That was him.
It was difficult for any doctor to pinpoint the cause — there were many — and because of this, it was impossible to see consistent improvement.
There were weeks when things improved, and then there were weeks when he slid so far backwards I thought I might lose him.
The one constant?
I never knew when the nightmare would end.
And let me tell you, I didn’t handle it well.
But I learned some things that are helping me better handle our current crisis.
Here are 6 ways to cope with the uncertainty and the extreme emotional challenges we’re up against.
Look to Your Past
When have you experienced something similar to what you’re going through now?
None of us have experienced a pandemic, of course, so you’ll have to look a little deeper to find similarities.
-When have you felt like your challenge had no end date?
-When have you been afraid?
-When have you felt stuck?
-When did you struggle to see a solution?
-When have you been dependent on something you couldn’t control?
-When did you feel alone?
Did that experience eventually end? Think about that end. Remind yourself it didn’t last forever. Remind yourself you got through it. Remind yourself things got better, even if they changed.
Look to the World’s Past
This pandemic is unique to most of us alive today, because we haven’t experienced something so devastating and far reaching before.
But the world has.
Look to its past.
Look to past pandemics, past world wars, and past economic depressions.
Look to things you have experienced with the rest of the world (or part of the world) — like 9/11, recessions, natural disasters, deployment, or acts of terror.
Did those experiences end? Think about the end. Remind yourself they didn’t last forever. Remind yourself you — and the world — got through it. Remind yourself things got better, even if they changed.
For the purpose of coping right now, don’t let yourself dwell on the tragedy part of these events (you can acknowledge those at other times); rather, focus on the fact that things did get better.
Place Your Hope in the Right Place
When my son’s health was struggling, I obsessively counted every ounce he was fed. I tracked every diaper. I noted every nap. I wrote down everything I thought could mean something.
I constantly looked for improvement. Improvement was a sign we would be leaving this nightmare behind, right?
But there were tragic slides backwards, even when I was celebrating gains.
My emotional state began to fall apart as I obsessively placed my hope in the signs — the signs of improvement. Those signs were unreliable, as they didn’t give a big picture.
I’ve noticed myself doing this same thing during this pandemic — watching the numbers, and looking for hope in the meaning of those numbers. I noticed myself obsessively watching what other countries are doing, and monitoring their successes.
But this is hope in the wrong place. This is not the big picture. This will let me down, because there may be improvement one day, but there could be a backwards slide the next. And I will be devastated.
While there’s nothing wrong with keeping updated on what’s going on, I shouldn’t place my hope there. Instead, I need to hope in greater things.
Personally, I believe in Jesus, and I put my trust in His ability to get us through this; in His ability to be with me and make things okay now and in the future. And that, even if things get worse, I can depend on Him to still be with me.
We all have different beliefs, so maybe my belief doesn’t resonate with you. What do you hope in when things are stable? What do you rely on to give you meaning and joy in your life? Place your hope there, not in the details of each day.
There Is Strength in Numbers
When my baby was sick, I was alone. Most people couldn’t relate, and it was hard.
But I did have a friend who had a baby with several health challenges, including failure to thrive. I did have a few friends who had once had babies with similar struggles. I leaned on these friends.
Hearing their stories — even when they didn’t exactly mirror my own — helped me go back to my own life with new strength and resolve. If they could do it, I could.
This pandemic is a unique challenge in our personal lives, because it’s the first time we’re all experiencing the same challenge together. We’re all going through different aspects of it. Some have it harder than others, but we’re all in it together.
We can lean heavily on each other during this time. It’s powerful to hear that your friend is scared, bored, tired, worried, stressed out, or anxious. It can help you feel understood — and it can even propel you forward to make things better.
My sister and I swapped stories about how we were melting down one day. It was cathartic. And it was funny (a little bit). After I recounted how I snapped at my kids, I felt better — and I felt ready to apologize and make things right with them again.
Without talking to her, I may have not stopped myself and gotten to the apology and repair place.
There is power in sharing this experience together.
Empathy for You, Empathy for Me
When my son was sick, the most impactful comments I received were the ones loaded with empathy. When someone truly saw me and the difficulties of my life, it lifted me higher than almost anything else.
I had friends who said simple things like:
- This is hard
- I’m so sorry
- You’re going through a lot
- You’re working hard
- This is too much
They didn’t make me explain myself, or justify why it was so hard for me. They didn’t make me look on the bright side. They didn’t tell me someone else had it harder. They simply saw me, and let me know.
Give this empathy to everyone. It’s healing.
And just as importantly, give it to yourself.
We all have an inner voice stripping empathy away from ourselves. Maybe it’s telling us we don’t have it as hard as someone else. Maybe it’s telling us we shouldn’t be feeling what we’re feeling. Maybe it’s telling us we need to be cheerful — only cheerful. Maybe it’s chastising us for feeling low.
But if that inner voice was a person and they said those things to you, you’d stop listening to them. When you’re hurting, you need to hear that it’s okay to hurt.
Go to the people who provide you empathy. Give empathy to others. And give it to yourself, for goodness sake.
Do Something to Make It a Little Better
Putting yourself to action can help your state of mind.
You can’t stop this pandemic. But what can you do to make your situation a little better? What can you do to make someone else’s situation better?
Think about your biggest personal problem right now: Is it fear, anxiety, loneliness, lack of productivity, financial losses, unemployment, a house that isn’t working for your family?
What is one thing you can do to improve that one big problem?
Take one step.
- Speak to a therapist
- Take necessary medication
- Go outside
- Educate yourself
- Take a nap
- Put your phone away
- Fix something in your house
- Clean something
- Play with your kids
- Cook a healthy meal
- Get to bed early
- Get your work done
- Make a list
- Read a self-improvement book
- Read a book for fun
- Do something creative
- Donate money
- Reach out to a friend
- Help an elderly person
- Thank essential workers when you come in contact with them
- Mow your lawn
- Write a thank-you note to an essential worker
- Follow the shelter-in-place guidelines in your area
- Wear a mask in public
- Write a thank-you note to your kids’ teachers
- Write in your journal
- Give yourself heaps of grace
There are countless things you can do to make your situation better, even if you can’t completely resolve it.
But don’t hold yourself to super-high standards. You don’t have to do ALL THE THINGS.
Giving yourself grace is as necessary as breathing right now.
Keep reminding yourself: It will get better. We’re all in this together.
And here’s something you can do right now: Download and print these free printables. Write four things you love about your child or partner in the squares. Leave them on their pillow or mirror to brighten their day!
