We are all so busy — and a lot of that busyness is unfortunately unavoidable. You have to make money. Your kids have to get an education. You have to maintain your home, feed your family, take care of sick kids, and stress out about screen time and redshirting decisions and birthday parties and wholesome food…
Okay, maybe you don’t have to stress out about any of this, but we all know you’re going to. Some of this parenting and life stuff is going to get under your skin and stress you out to the point that it takes up important space in your brain that could be better used doing something more productive. (If you know how to stop that process, let me know, okay?)
But the most important thing you can be doing for your child right now is connecting with her — finding out who she is and letting her know who you are; making memories that carry him through his future hard times; creating a solid foundation of trust to help you both get along better and make better decisions.
But there’s that whole busy-ness thing to deal with.
There are thousands of ways you can connect with your child. Thousands of ideas. Thousands of programs. Thousands of things you could add to your life.
And they’re all good!
But when you’re short on time and full of stress, adding a new thing to your schedule sounds exhausting — and even impossible.
So here’s how to add time and space for connection with your child, without adding much to your to-do list.
Examine — and Use — YOUR Skills
Take a minute and think about your talents. Are you good at organizing your house? Leading a team meeting at work? Remembering the ins and outs and ups and downs of all the people in your favorite reality TV show? Finding excellent music? Cooking? Getting out and seeing your city? Being fun? Teaching? Sports? Writing? Identifying celebrities’ noses? Saying words backwards? Finding bargain deals?
Seriously, what are you good at? Think about how you can use your talents to connect with your child. In fact, take 5 minutes now and write down every skill you have. It’s okay if you’re stumped at first. As soon as your pen starts moving, your brain will follow.
Did you do it? I’m serious. Set a timer, and write as many of your talents as you can think of. I’ll wait.
Still waiting. I hope you’re doing it!
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Alright, here’s an example. I’m a writer — and I enjoy it — so I write long love letters to my children. I also write short letters, cards, and in our back-and-forth journal, which is something any parent can do in 30 seconds or less!
This is a great strategy I use to connect with my kids.
But what about you? Are you more into bargain shopping? Figure out what your child loves to collect and teach him how to find the best bargains for it.
Good at sports? Organize a neighborhood sporting tournament with your child or go kick a ball in the backyard together.
Great in the kitchen? Try new recipes together.
Play an instrument? Teach your child a song to sing, and accompany her.
Excellent at woodworking? Make a birdhouse together.
Good at keeping up with reality stars? Binge watch an age-appropriate reality show together and cheer every time your favorite person makes a decision you love.
It doesn’t have to be huge (but it can be if you’re the sort of person who likes to go big).
Just Do You. Even If You’re Kind of Weird
Listen. I have this weird talent… I don’t even know if you could call it a talent. It’s just weird.
I can say words backwards. If someone shouts out a word to me, I can almost instantly say it backwards.
And I use this… um… talent (?) to bond with my kids.
It takes zero extra effort or time in my day, because it’s something I’m already doing in my head anyway.
So sometimes, I just tell them, “Hey, did you know that firetruck backwards is kcurterif?”
They think it’s hilarious, and then they each try to say words backwards while we all laugh.
See what I mean? It takes no extra time, but it’s a skill (I guess?) I can use to bring us closer together.
My husband loves to dance, but doesn’t have much time to set aside for his talent. But he still uses his talent and interest to bond with our kids. He’ll regularly bust out funny dance moves when we’re all together.
It might be while he’s cooking and kids are doing homework in the kitchen. It might be while he’s walking through a room where kids are playing on the floor. It might be slightly more thought-out — sometimes he turns on music, and has an actual mini dance party with the kids.
But do you know what our kids do when he starts dancing? They join him! They pop up from whatever they’re doing and dance around the room with him. And they watch him. They copy his moves, and they fight for turns to hold his hands. They love it because he loves it.
And because dancing is something his body and mind just want to do, it takes very little extra effort to use it as a way to connect with our kids.
Let yourself do what you love, and do it around your kids and with your kids.
It’s Okay If They Don’t Love It
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your child. You may be great at crafting, but your child just isn’t having it. It would be perfect if they would sit down and craft with you, but if that isn’t going to happen, let yourself craft something to give to them!
You may be athletic, but your child would rather read than go for a jog with you. That’s okay. You still need to exercise, right? Do some push-ups and jumping jacks in the backyard while your child tells you about their favorite book, reads out loud to you, or even just sits in the shade while you grunt through your reps near them.
The point is, you don’t have to search high and low for elaborate ways to connect with your child. You already have talents and interests you can use to improve your relationship.
Think about how your talent can draw you closer to your child. You’ll have success here because it will come naturally to you. Your child may not jump on board as zestily as you do, but chances are you’ll find a way that your talent or interest can bring you together.
If you’re struggling to connect with your child — if you feel you just can’t get along these days — don’t go revamping your entire life to do some elaborate thing to fix your problem.
Maybe down the road, you’ll need something elaborate. Maybe you’ll need professional help. Maybe you’ll need training or coaching.
But right now — before you stress for one more minute, be yourself. That’s something you can do TODAY while you figure out the rest of what you need.
Find your strength, and use it in your parenting. It’s there for a reason. Lots of reasons, actually. Don’t bury your strengths while you raise your children.
For a super easy way to connect with your kids with very little effort, check out my back-and-forth journal. Answer the prompt and leave the journal on your child’s pillow. They’ll be so excited to see it there! And when they answer the prompt and leave in on your pillow, you’ll get deep insight into what’s going on in their beautiful brains.
