Connected parenting: It’s something my husband and I actively aim for. We aim to connect, instead of control, when the kids are misbehaving. And we aim to connect, instead of dismiss, when they’re in pain.
We don’t always succeed, but we know that connected parenting is the best solution for our family. It means we don’t have to punish and we don’t have to yell. And our kids still learn the life lessons they need to learn.
What to Do When Your Child Gets Hurt
Here’s how it looks when a child is in pain:
Our 6-year-old fell face-forward in the river, fully clothed. He hurt his knees, but more than that, he was shocked at what had happened to him.
Of course he became emotional. My husband ran straight for him, scooped him up, and held him — wet clothes and all. That first step was so important, because it helped our son know he was important. He was worth rushing to, even when he was a mess.
Then, this next step was critical: My husband let him cry.
He didn’t tell him he was okay. He didn’t tell him to stop crying. He didn’t tell him he was tough. He just let him feel his emotions WHILE holding him and being in the pain WITH him.
When our son was done crying, my husband made a joke. Everyone laughed, and our son skipped off to keep playing. Only now, he knew how to walk more carefully.
He didn’t fear he would get in trouble for getting wet, or get a lecture on what he shouldn’t have done. He didn’t fear his emotions were too much. He just got to feel what he needed to feel, while being connected to his dad.
We aren’t perfect at this, but EVERY time we connect instead of control or correct, the situation resolves in an uplifting way.
If this resonates with you, you’ll love my 5-step approach to stop yelling. Click the image below for more info.